Tuesday, June 27, 2006

When There Are No Answers

A friend sent me this article, and although lengthy, it is so worth the read.... it's about searching for answers from God and not finding any... kind of how we feel about finding the money to adopt Sam..... it really speaks to my heart. Love you, K

When There Are No Answers (Broadcast July 3, 2004 © 2004)

One of the first words we learn is "Why.” If there's a child under five in your home right now, you probably hear that word many times each day. It seems from the very beginning we want explanations and answers. But what do we do when there are no answers?

I tell you quite frankly that there are many times I can't find an answer for things that happen to me and to others. I bombard Heaven with my "Whys?" but the heavens are silent. How about you? Is that where you are? You can't find the answers you so desperately need?
I'm sure many of you are in the midst of some situation for which you can find no answers. God is silent. The heavens are like stone. You've begged for explanations, but none have come. What do we do when there are no answers?

Mary and Martha faced that dilemma when Lazarus died. You know the story. They sent for Jesus to come and heal Lazarus. They were confident that Jesus could heal him and prevent his death, and that He would do so, for they knew how Jesus loved Lazarus and them.
They sent out their cry for help, but we read in John 11 that "...when Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days." He loved them but He didn't come to their rescue. Why? I can see Martha and Mary waiting by the side of their sick brother, expecting Jesus to walk through the door any minute. They knew He could have been there shortly, but as hour by hour passed, Jesus didn't show up. And Lazarus got worse and worse, and they watched him die.

Do you think they wondered if Jesus really loved them during that time? Don't you imagine they must have felt abandoned and forsaken by Jesus, to realize that He could have come and healed their brother, but He chose not to? Have you felt that way? I think we all go through similar reactions when there are no answers.
When Jesus finally arrived, it was too late; Lazarus was already dead. Martha was upset with Jesus, and we read in John 11 that she said to him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." She asked him for an answer to her question: Why didn't you come, Lord?
I find Jesus' words to her at this time very interesting. He did not defend His actions; He did not say, "Martha, let me explain to you exactly what I did and why." No, when Martha was looking for answers to her unanswered questions, Jesus took her back to basics.
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" He confronted Martha with the reality of who He was, and caused her to change her thinking.
You see, if Martha believed that Jesus was the resurrection and the life and that because Lazarus had believed in Him, Lazarus would live forever, then this temporary separation would look very differently to Martha. Jesus wanted her to think beyond the immediate and look at the eternal. He wanted her to think about who He was and what kind of power He had. And she confessed out loud, "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world."

When you don't have answers, stop and ask a different question: Who do you believe Jesus is? Do you believe that He is the resurrection and the life? If so, confess out loud exactly what you believe about the person of Jesus. It's important that you say it out loud, I think, so you can hear your own confession of faith.

We may never know some of the answers we're looking for this side of heaven, but we can always confidently know the answer to the question: Who do you think Jesus is? By concentrating your thoughts on who He is, you will have the peace and strength you need for those unanswered questions. If that was the question Jesus asked Martha when she wanted answers, then surely it is the starting place for us today when we want answers.
We all remember the end of this story; Jesus did meet their need by performing an incredible miracle and raising Lazarus from the dead. In this case, Mary and Martha finally got answers, as they saw their brother come forth after four days in that tomb. And that miracle was the talk of the town for days and weeks, as you can imagine. As a matter of fact, many people believed on Jesus when they saw and heard about Lazarus.
So, eventually Martha and Mary could say to each other, "When it looked as though Jesus had forsaken us, He really was working on our behalf to do something even greater than we could imagine."

Sometimes it works out like that. We go through the no-answer period, the circumstances which make no sense to us whatsoever, but at a later date, in God's time, we are able to see what God's good purpose was.

Maybe some of you are now in that tough place where Mary and Martha were initially. You're wondering why Jesus hasn't come to you; you're feeling unloved and neglected by Him. Please do take courage and remember that often we misunderstand God's timetable. It may be that you will soon see the deliverance of God and your eyes will be opened to understand the whys.
But what about those of you who don't get those answers? Your Lazarus never comes out of the tomb. You're left to face those unanswered questions for the rest of your life.

You know, I believe for Christians who have truly placed their faith in Jesus, who know His power, who believe with all their hearts that He can rescue them from any circumstance, it is extremely difficult to face the fact that God is not going to answer your questions, and you'll never know why certain things happen. After all, we're supposed to have answers, aren't we? We've always told people that Jesus is the answer, Jesus can meet all their needs. Therefore, those unanswered questions can undermine our faith and cause us to doubt the God we serve.
Well, I'm certainly not going to tell you that I have answers to your unanswered questions. I don't, and the older I get the more I know there are times when I throw up my hands and say, "I don't understand it."

I want to say to you who have unanswered questions that anger and frustration are normal. God is not going to condemn you for asking the questions, for feeling anger at the unjust circumstances. He even understands that you're likely to go through a period of being angry at Him. God is big enough to handle our anger.

But how do we deal with it? Well, I think the Psalms are of great help to us here, for frequently both David and Asaph expressed their frustration at the lack of answers.
In Psalm 44 David says to the Lord, "But now you have rejected and humbled us...You have made us a reproach to our neighbors...You have made us a byword among the nations;...All this has happened to us, though we had not forgotten you or been false to your covenant....Awake, O Lord! Why do you sleep? ... Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression?"
That's an angry man, expressing it openly to God. And at that moment, with no answers to his questions, his anger was vented toward God.

Now, I don't want to imply that I think we should yell and scream at God when we please. But I do want to say to those of you who are living with those difficult, unanswered questions that it's okay for you to tell God exactly how you feel about them. Please tell God; He knows your feelings and thoughts anyway, and if you don't ventilate those thoughts, or you try to deny or ignore them, they will turn into bitterness and depression.

Who better to tell than God? He understands you completely, and no one will be fairer or gentler to you than He will be. He didn't chide Martha for her questions. He didn't zap David and Asaph for voicing their anger. And isn't it interesting that all of that is recorded in Scripture for us to read. That's not an accident, you know; it's there to show us how to deal with unanswered questions. So, if the questions and the anger are smouldering inside of you, get alone with God and voice them to Him, out loud.

I notice that every time David or Asaph voiced their frustration about the unanswered questions, soon they were led back to that basic trust in God which was the cornerstone of their lives. One of David's frequent phrases was "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God" (Ps. 43:5).
You notice that David talked to himself. It's as though he sat himself down in a chair and said, "Okay, David, let's have a talk. Why are you questioning God? Don't you know he's the One who can deliver you?"

Asaph went through his rage at God in Psalm 77, saying "Will the Lord reject forever? Will He never show His favor again? Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has God forgotten to be merciful?" Then after saying those words of doubt and anger, and I think hearing in his own ears how foolish they were, Asaph said, "Then I thought, 'To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High.' I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds."
Asaph got the foolish, angry words out of his mouth, expressing to his understanding and patient God all his anger and frustration. And then he changed his thinking and started remembering all that God had done. Ah, there's our answer, friends. Renewing our minds with correct thinking about who God is and what He has done for us. Just as Martha needed to go back to basics about Jesus, just as David and Asaph needed to get back to who Jehovah God is and what He had done, so we must as well.

When the questions have no answers, we have to abandon them and be willing to live with the unanswered questions. But we don't have to live in despair or anger; the same God who for whatever reason does not answer our questions is the God who will bring us comfort and strength to face them. I often think of the question Jesus asked His disciples when many of His followers were forsaking Him. He said to the Twelve, "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Simon Peter answered, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:67-68).

Friends, where else will you go with your unanswered questions? If there are no answers from God, then trust Him to see you through. There's a song which I like a great deal. It says,
God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind; So when you don’t understand, When you can’t see His plan, When you can’t trace His hand, Trust His heart.

And that's what I would leave you with. When you can't see why He's doing what he's doing, you can still trust His goodness and His love for you. When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.

Mary’s book, Soaring on High, is a book of encouragement and inspiration to help when life is puzzling.You can order by calling 1-800-292-1218 or online at www.christianworkingwoman.org

Friday, June 23, 2006

Krispy Kreme!

Here is a chance to get something hot and sweet; at the same time helping us with our adoption fees:

Consider purchasing a Krispy Creme 10 punch card: this card offers you 1 dozen free glazed doughnuts with the purchase of 1 dozen. Depending how much the doughnuts cost in your area the savings are between $35-50!!
Or perhaps you like coffee? Try a 12oz. bag of Krispy Kreme signature coffee (ground or whole bean). Choose from Smooth, Rich, Bold, or Robust Decaf.
Each is only $10
Just email me: john "dot" vee "at" gmail "dot" com or use the donate button to pay (be sure to make a note of your order)

I will email you to confirm and to let you know when to expect your items.

Thank you!!!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Sadie's Birthday & Father's Day

We had a great and busy weekend!! Friday was Sadie's birthday... The kids were officially awarded their yellow belts in Tae Kwon Do, then we celebrated by going to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner (Sadie's pick). We had fun playing games, eating pizza, etc. Sadie even got a balloon that said 'Happy Brithday' on it. Yes, that's right 'Happy Brithday'. John and I got a giggle out of it.... you know what hecklers we are. Then we noticed that other balloons also said 'Happy Brithday'. I guess the girl at the front who wrote on the balloons isn't the best speller. So, we had the giggles all night.

On Saturday morning we picked Lilly up from camp where she had been for most of the week. While she was away, we worked very hard on a suprise room make-over for her. We sanded, taped, painted, decorated, etc. There was only one casualty... our friend Drew cut his finger open on a dismantled bookshelf that I was re-doing. I felt horrible. Poor Drew. Seven stitches in all. And to make matters worse, now he can't swim or ride his skateboard (his two favorite things) until next weekend. *sigh* Anyway, we couldn't wait for Lilly to get home and find her surprise. When we pulled into the driveway, I told her to immediately take her stuff upstairs since we were getting ready for Sadie's party that afternoon. I had a big smile on my face when I heard the blood-curdling scream from upstairs. She ran down to hug and kiss me, then ran back up to look some more. It was priceless!

Next came Sadie's birthday party. There were 16 kids in all. We ate hotdogs, chips, cake, and icecream. The kids swam for the rest of the three hours (except for poor Drew). They had a blast! Sadie was in her glory! She loved being the center of attention and opening presents... she was so cute!!

On Sunday we celebrated Father's Day. Our family is so blessed to have such a wonderful father/husband as John. He is a wonderful supporter, cheerer, hugger, and provider. He spent the afternoon playing with the kids in the pool and lounging on the new float that we got him. We love you so much John! We thank God every day for the wonderful man that you are!!

We ended up hanging out at Doug and Rhonda's for the evening.... eating lots of yummy food, playing games, and enjoying tying up our loose ends. What a blessed family we are.

Now we're back to Monday.... waiting with expectant anticipation as to what the week will bring. We're praying to be able to sign the contracts so that Li Feng (Samuel) will officially be ours! Thanks for your prayers and continued support!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Sunday, June 11th was our 13 year wedding anniversary!! Time has sure flown by quickly!! It seems like just yesterday that we walked down the aisle, excited and expectant as to what the years ahead would bring.
We've had our ups and downs along the way but can say without a doubt that we love each other more now than we did 13 years ago. God has blessed us immensly with wonderful children, supportive family, and awesome friends to travel this journey with us.
Our love is like a triangle: God is at the top, each of us is at either side. The closer we personally grow to God, the closer we grow to each other. We look forward with wonder at what the next 13 years will hold. Thanks for being part of our lives and for sharing this special occasion with us!

Friday, June 09, 2006


I've just listed my favorite purses on ebay to make money for our adoption: Check them out and place your bid!! Click here to see them! Make sure you click on "View Sellers Other Items" to see them all.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006


Dear Friends, What started out as a bad day today, could possibly be the best day ever. Not only was I reminded of God's provision in time of need, but the most amazing thing happened. Our adoption agency got a new list of referrals of special needs kids yesterday. I didn't know this until I happened to (God is sovereign) peruse their website. This adorable little boy caught my eye (and my heart). Lilly was over my shoulder saying "I think he's the one Mom, I think he's the one!!". As coincidence would have it (God is sovereign), Tiffany from All God's Children called me out of the blue to see how our process was coming along (I hadn't talked to them since April... and we haven't even sent them a check yet). I had to catch my breath when I heard who was calling, like a stirring in my heart. I told her that I saw the website and that a particular child caught my eye....I had even emailed his picture to a few friends earlier today. She asked me who and I told her: Look here Isn't he adorable?!?! Well Tiffany said that they had already presented him to a few families and they passed on him. They all wanted girls.

Is this our baby Samuel? My heart is doing summersaults as I think of him. Now here's the hurdle: We need to raise about $6,000-$10,000 ASAP to begin the process to bring him home.
This is my heartfelt plea to my friends and family to help us bring Samuel home!!! You can donate through paypal by clicking on the link above, or you can mail us a check directly. Please consider helping us to make Sam's dream a reality. We could never thank you enough!!

Jesus said: 'I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!' ~Matthew 25:40

"Come near and rescue me" ~Psalm 69:18
The Lord whispers in the wildreness...
Breathing His Holy breath of hope into the lives of forgotten children...
Kissing their hearts each night with a sacred expectation,
The Father to the fatherless moves in mercy over the face of the earth...
Pleading with us to hear hope's heartbeat....
Charging us to faithfully carry His mantle of mercy...
Calling us to bear His burden for those who lay alone in the fields of the fatherless...
Promising all who will listen that His unfailing love will rest upon them...
As we build a bridge of blessing for an orphan child.
(AGCI 2006)

What did the mail man bring?

That's right, you guessed it folks..... I went to the mail box, half holding my breath. Guess what was in there? Yep, a check for $100 bucks. (Shaking head).... oh me of little faith. God always takes care of us. Oh, and guess what else? Three belt tests only cost $93.75. God is good.


Is the moon full yet? That must be it.....

I am just having one of the worst weeks this week... yes, throw me a pity party. You know those weeks where it seems that nothing is going right and you are under constant attack?

Well, money...being the root of all evil, is one of the culprits. Well not money, but lack thereof. You know, ever since we said out loud that we were going to adopt, Satan has been under full attack on our checkbook. It's been one thing after another! This week it was two extra unavoidable expenses: Jake complained all last week that he couldn't see and couldn't read; I thought (being the mother-of-the-year that I am) that he was exaggerating and didn't want to do his school work. I'll spare you the rest of the story but Lo and Behold, he needs glasses, with a special lens that they have to order, no less. Cha-Ching. Then I had to take Lilly to the dentist and she needed not one, but two fillings. Of course we had not paid her deductible yet, so I had to pay that plus the 20% for both fillings.

"Yes, but the good little Dave Ramsey family has an emergency fund for just these things", you say? UUgh. Did I mention the emergency vet bills, my medical bills from my recent medical fiasco, and numerous others which have sucked our emergency fund dry? We're under attack I tell you! So this week (of course) I also make a checking account blunder.... forgot to add something in that was being automatically deducted.... wham!

The reason I'm depressed is that I've been praying all week for a miracle.... we have a couple of things coming up before John gets paid again. One of them is the kids' belt test for Tae Kwon Do. They've been practicing and working very hard on getting their classes in. Well last night I got a card that said that I need to pay by Wednesday (tonight). Well, I now have $20 in my checking account to last until the 15th; and what about food? Yes, I know God always provides. But I've been so excited to see the mailman this week, running out to get the mail as soon as he drives by... because I just KNOW there's going to be a miracle check in there from somewhere. Maybe one from all those stupid surverys I fill out. But today is the day. I need to pay the TKD place, or no belt test. I cried for two hours last night because I don't want to disappoint my children; they've worked so hard. *sigh* John is less emotional and says "Oh well, there's nothing we can do". But a mother's heart is broken by such things. I guess if I had more faith I'd be excited today.... knowing that today is the day that God will come through! But I just feel teary-eyed and miserable. I feel like we can't even pay for karate, much less come up with 20 grand to rescue an orphan. Where is the moon in the sky??

Okay, the next thing I'm depressed about is the whole idoubt thing. We were so excited when we kicked it off.... that people would have a safe place to post real questions and doubts. But it seems that a lot of the questions are loaded ones; from people who already know the answers, who just want to spark a debate about them.... not the safe place for people with REAL questions that we had envisioned. It has turned into a place of pecking and arguing; with myself being guilty as well. *sigh* Some folks whom I thought were friends of ours have used it for their own agenda it seems. I guess that's what happens when you're operating in cyberspace...... anybody can say anything.

I guess the thing that really bothers me is that Jesus has given me this mission..... to reach others through genuine relationships. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is His mission for my life. Jesus is my best friend, I commune with Him daily, study His word, and He would not lead me in the wrong direction. He has given me certain convictions of the heart. I am very serious about my 'mission statement'; it is what I live for! I guess that my so called *friends* who have put the kabash on our website, don't agree with my convictions. I feel like they're publicly stating that everything I stand for.... that Jesus has me stand for.... is wrong. I feel like my own personal mission statement is under attack; and I take it very personally. It feels kind of crappy when people accuse you of being a false Christian; when you know that you and Jesus have something special. I mean, who are they to judge me??? As if they were the only righteous Christians around and everyone else's efforts were fruitless and unedifying to the Lord?! It's like a slap in the face. Especially for me, who is so passionate about my calling in life. *sigh*

I have made some wonderful friends in my life, in the name of Jesus. They have added to my life, to my knowledge of God's character, and to reinforce what He would have me do. I just don't like all the assault on my own character. I'm serious about following Jesus and His plan for my life.

So like I said, I feel like Satan is attacking me. I guess I should be proud that he considers me worthy of attacking. I must be a threat to Satan or he would leave me alone. But today, I just feel crappy.

Sorry for rambling and making you all come to my pity party. I guess I do feel better now, having gotten all that out.