Friday, August 25, 2006

Sleepless Nights = Big Decisions

Well, we did it. We enrolled Sadie in public school on Thursday (the day before school started). The decision did not come lightly. We talked and prayed then talked and prayed some more for weeks at a time. It is a difficult thing.... knowing God's will. It's not always black and white and it's not always easy.

Let me say that I'm dreading talking about this with my die-hard home-school friends. I feel in part a failure. I dread the disappointment in their voices and eyes.

It's not that I CAN'T homeschool her. She is just missing something. She cries everyday for friends to play with. We've prayed that God would give her good friends. She finishes her homeschool work in two hours or less and is miserably bored for the rest of the day. We've prayed that God would give her peace and contentment. But she is still sad.

Now we didn't ask her if she wanted to go to school. John and I just talked and prayed about our struggles with her. Of course I also consented my Mom, who supports our decision and agress with our thoughts on the subject. Then I just started praying that if this is where God wanted her this year, that He would open the doors wide open for us. I prayed that if He wanted her at home that He would close the doors. God has ALWAYS been faithful to this prayer of ours.

So Thursday morning, the day before the first day of school, we went to the school to register her. We walked in, unannounced, bith certificate in hand, and signed her up. It was very easy. Now I've heard stories in the past of other homeschoolers going to register their kids and getting a hard time from the school. The secretary actually smiled and said it was great and that they were glad to have Sadie now. She also had a Bible verse posted on her computer monitor. Also, I thought I was missing a form and told her I'd get it to her later, but she said they didn't need it. Doors were swinging open.

The curriculum coordinator came out and said hello... told us Sadie's teacher's name, and took us for a tour of the school and to see her classroom. Sadie was very excited! Even though I felt sick to my stomach, I felt that this is what we were supposed to be doing. So we left and went shopping for a backpack, lunchbox, supplies, shoes, and clothes. It was an action-packed day.

This morning Sadie popped out of bed bright and early in anticipation of the day. She said "I can't wait to meet some friends!". So we packed her up and dropped her off in her classroom. She found her desk and was thrilled about her school books. The teacher had crayons out so they could draw a picture and write some sentences about something they enjoyed this summer. We got her started on her assignment and said goodbye. I gave her a hug and kiss and she didn't look up from her desk... but stayed focused on her paper. I knew she was trying hard not to cry. So was I.

After we left the classroom I waited a moment and poked my head back in the door to take one more look at my baby. Just then, she came running out calling "mommy!". She gave me a hug and ran back to her desk. Well I about lost it. I didn't say a word until we were back in the van for fear I would burst out into tears.

I can't wait to go and get her. It's been such a long day! I hope she loves it; but part of me hopes she begs to stay home. That would be easy. I don't know how to describe it; I just feel like this is what God is asking me to do right now. Maybe it's dealing with my control issues... having to trust Him with her all day.

Does this mean that she'll go to public school forever? No. I'm just going to wait on God to see what and where He wants us next. I guess He's got a job for us to do. So I look forward with expectant anticipation as to what that is.

I hope all my homeschool friends will understand that we're trying to follow God; whether they agree with it or not. And I just hope that they will support our decision and love us anyway. I'm sure they will though. What's not to love??

Now I wait and pray for my baby at school; just like I'm waiting and praying for my baby in China. Waiting is hard. God is working on me.

Oh and on a side note: I'm getting another big baby from Taiwan next week! Tony is coming to live with us as an exchange student! We're so excited to meet him and learn about Eastern culture! We'll post pictures and such when he gets here. I'm sure you will all make him feel loved and welcomed.



Maris said...

Wow - I had no idea who guys had been thinking about this. As a child who was homeschooled and missed having friends I can relate to Sadie's struggle. I think you did a very brave thing. When I was 9 I made the choice to go back - unfortantely that meant moving back to my father's. I'm proud that you left the option open.

Anonymous said...

Greetings from Cary- I'll be praying for Sadie next week!!! Starting something new is ALWAYS scary, but I know that you have taught Sadie that God is always by her side!
love & miss you guys!!! Cat & Hub

David said...

We'll be praying for Sadie and for your whole family! Although we homeschool, it is definitely not the only way - you have to evaluate your family and child's situation, the school, and PRAY - sounds like you guys are on track!